When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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