Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
