I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
