I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize