she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
