I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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