also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
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