My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Randomize
