we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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