Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Barsexuality is the new black.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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