Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I am one with the molecules
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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