as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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