I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
