btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
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