Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
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