I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
