she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
