You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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