I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I just found puke in my bra..
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
