Fine. I'll sleep in my office
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Randomize
