At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
