how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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