So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
