your parents love me but you hate me
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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