If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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