Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
