Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
