Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
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