I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
