it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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