ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
