Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
