he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
