Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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