In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
