you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize
