were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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