I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Randomize
