I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
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