I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
