Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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