I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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