yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
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