I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
