Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
