three words: i give head
three words: not that well
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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