Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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