Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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