I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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