yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
