gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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