Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i will never coherently bang her
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
