i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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