i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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