He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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