my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Randomize
