Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
