whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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