9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
