so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Randomize
