this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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