Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
