i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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