So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
