Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
