she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
