last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
