I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
