All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
My legs feel like baby dolphins
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
