I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
