god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Randomize
