She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
