dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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