My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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