I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Randomize
